Someone shit on the floor
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
