absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
