Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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