He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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