mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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