Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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