booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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