Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
