So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
