Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
