At least make sure they are 18
Why
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
