I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
