You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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