On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
