Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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