So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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