Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This house was built for laser tag.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
