sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
