i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
