Ambien. No doubt about it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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