K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
