k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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