Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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