You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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