So drunk its hurt
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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