period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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