You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
