We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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