Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
