You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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