all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
