If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
