sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
