I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
