Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
