so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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