I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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