Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
