the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
