you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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