That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
