It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
