Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
