The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
