I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
