If i come over, it means nothing
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize