he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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