well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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