Pappa wants mamma naked
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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