she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He shit in the fireplace
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
