Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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