U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
