And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
two words...techno handjob
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
