Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
